Sửa bài viết IELTS Writing Task 1 ngày 01/04/2023 cho học viên. Chữa bài IELTS Writing chi tiết và cải thiện từng câu trong bài viết.
Task 1: The plans below show how the ground of a particular building has changed over time. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features
Bài viết Task 1 IELTS Writing của học sinh:
The plan depicts the ground floor of a concrete building and how it has been refurbished throughout a consecutive 65-year period divided into 3 phases.
Overall, the position of the kitchen area and the main entrance of the ground floor remain unchanged over time.
The ground floor was used as an office from 1958 to 1984. To the left of the entrance, a restroom was constructed, followed by offices for assistants and secretaries, and a meeting room at the far end. Meanwhile, on the right-hand side of the entrance, the manager’s office was built halfway between the kitchen and the reception area.
Between 1985 and 2000, the ground floor was renovated to become an apartment. The manager’s office and reception area were merged to create two bedrooms in front of the kitchen. On the other side, the previous facilities were no longer retained, and a living room and bathroom with a shower were erected in their place.
Since 2001, the ground floor has been makeover into a flower shop. The play area was constructed on the left side of the entrance, which was heretofore the bathroom. The living room was converted into a gift card storage place, and the supersession of two bedrooms with a new office, complete with flowers on the opposite and left sides.
Component scores:
- TA: 6
- CC: 6.5
- LR: 7
- GRA: 7
Overall band score: 6.5 out of 9.
Room for improvement:
- Focus on making the connections between ideas clearer
- Use more precise and varied vocabulary.
Sentence-by-sentence improvements:
| The plan depicts the ground floor of a concrete building and how it has been refurbished throughout a consecutive 65-year period divided into 3 phases. | The diagram illustrates the ground floor of a concrete structure and its transformation over a span of 65 years, which is categorized into three distinct phases. |
| Overall, the position of the kitchen area and the main entrance of the ground floor remain unchanged over time. | Overall, the positioning of the kitchen area and the main entrance on the ground floor has remained unaltered over the years. |
| The ground floor was used as an office from 1958 to 1984. To the left of the entrance, a restroom was constructed, followed by offices for assistants and secretaries, and a meeting room at the far end. Meanwhile, on the right-hand side of the entrance, the manager’s office was built halfway between the kitchen and the reception area. | From 1958 to 1984, the ground floor served as an office space. To the left the entrance, a restroom was constructed, followed by offices for assistants and secretaries, and a meeting room located at the far end of the corridor. On the right side of the entrance, halfway between the kitchen and the reception area, the manager’s office was built. |
| Between 1985 and 2000, the ground floor was renovated to become an apartment. The manager’s office and reception area were merged to create two bedrooms in front of the kitchen. On the other side, the previous facilities were no longer retained, and a living room and bathroom with a shower were erected in their place. | Between 1985 and 2000, significant alterations were made to the ground floor, transforming it into an apartment. The manager’s office and the reception area were combined to create two bedrooms positioned in front of the kitchen. On the other side of the entrance, the previous facilities were dismantled, and a living room and a bathroom equipped with a shower were erected in their place. |
| Since 2001, the ground floor has been makeover into a flower shop. The play area was constructed on the left side of the entrance, which was heretofore the bathroom. The living room was converted into a gift card storage place, and the supersession of two bedrooms with a new office, complete with flowers on the opposite and left sides. | Since 2001, the ground floor has undergone another transformation, this time into a flower shop. A play area was constructed on the left-hand side of the entrance, previously used as a bathroom. The living room was transformed into a storage room for gift cards, while two bedrooms were replaced with a new office, adorned with beautiful flowers on the opposite and left sides. |
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