Thẻ: OverseasVisitors

Đề bài IELTS Writing Task 1: The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. IELTS WRITING Task 1: First draft The given line graph measures up the number of foreign visitors to three different areas in a country in Europe during the period of 20 alternative years from 1987 to 2007. Overall, the coastal beauty mesmerized almost the tourists in all years of the analytical result, while the mountainous areas studied and concluded to be the least well-known for the most part. On the other hand, the number of tourists traveling to all three areas increased over the timeline. In 1987, the number of those who chose the coast as a travel destination stood at 40,000, compared to 20,000 travelers who went to the mountains. In the next 14 years, the coast witnessed a slight decrease in the number of visitors by a few thousand, which was followed by a significant climb to around 60,000 people. In contrast, the number of those visiting mountainous areas went up remarkably to 30,000 in 2001. In the final 6 years, while the number of overseas tourists going to the coast rose moderately to above 70,000, there was a slight climb in those who visited the mountains to about 35,000. The number of foreign tourists visiting the lakes of this country persistently soared over the first fifteen years of the period, peaking at 75,000 visitors in 2002. However, this data began to drop significantly in the remaining years, with approximately 50,000 visitors in 2007. Room for improvement Avoid repetition of words and phrases Avoid using informal language and expressions, such as "mesmerized" “beauty” Use more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses, passive voice The most important thing you need to pay special attention: How to choose MAIN FEATURES, HOW TO DISTINGUISH MAIN FEATURES WITH DETAILS, and how to structure BODY PARAGRAPHS Your body paragraphs mainly list details, causing the Task Achievement score below 6. To get higher band scores, you need to summarize and give MAIN FEATURES before getting to the details. TA: 5.5 CC: 6 LR: 6 GRA: 6 Hướng dẫn sửa bài: Bài này em chia đoạn thân bài theo đối tượng, nên em cần nhận xét chung, tóm tắt xu hướng chung nhất diễn ra với đối tượng đó trong CẢ QUÁ TRÌNH trước khi e viết vào từng thời điểm. BODY 1: Đây là ý GENERAL cho đoạn thân bài 1 Coast + Mount dù cùng tăng nhưng biên độ rất khác nhau HOẶC Dù cùng trải qua xu hướng tăng, nhưng Coast luôn thu hút nhiều khách hơn Mountain BODY 2: GENERAL: Lake dù tăng mạnh nhất trong cả giai đoạn, nhưng cũng giảm mạnh nhất vào cuối kỳ Second draft The given line graph represents the number of foreign visitors to three different areas in a country in Europe over the 20-year timeframe from 1987 to 2007. Overall, the number of tourists traveling to all three areas increased over the timeline. The coastal beauty attracted the majority of tourists in all years of the chart, while the mountainous areas were found to be the least well-known for the most part. Notwithstanding that both the coast and mountain have experienced an uptrend, the coastal places always magnetize more visitors than the mountainous ones. In 1987, the number of those who opted for the coast as a travel destination stood at 40,000, compared to 20,000 travelers who went to the mountains. In the next 14 years, the coast witnessed a slight decrease in tourist flux by a few thousand, which was followed by a significant increase to around 60,000 people. In contrast, the number of those visiting mountainous areas went up remarkably to 30,000 in 2001. In the final 6 years, while the number of overseas tourists going to the coast rose moderately to above 70,000, there was a slight climb in those who visited the mountains to about 35,000. Growing steadily though and though the period, nevertheless, lake sceneries develop were not as powerfully developed as the others. The number of foreign tourists visiting the lakes of this country persistently increased over the first fifteen years of the period, reaching a peak of 75,000 visitors in 2002. However, this number began to drop significantly in the remaining years, with approximately 50,000 visitors in 2007. Xem nhận xét cụ thể tại đây: Overall Band Score: 7.0 Criteria: Task Achievement: 7.0 The essay addresses all parts of the task question. The main features and comparisons are adequately summarized. Some inaccuracies and irrelevant details are present. Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0 There is an attempt to sequence information logically. A range of cohesive devices is used, but not always appropriately. Paragraphing is generally well-organized. Lexical Resource: 6.5 A mix of common and uncommon words is used, but with limited flexibility and accuracy. Some errors in word choice and collocation are present. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7.5 A variety of grammatical structures is used. There are some errors in grammar and sentence structure, but they do not impede communication. Original Version Improved Version A final refined version The given line graph represents the number of foreign visitors to three different areas in a country in Europe over the 20-year timeframe from 1987 to 2007. The provided line graph depicts the variation in the number of international tourists visiting three distinct regions in a European country from 1987 to 2007. The line graph illustrates the number of international tourists visiting three distinct regions in a European country from 1987 to 2007. Overall, the number of tourists traveling to all three areas increased over the timeline. The coastal beauty attracted the majority of tourists in all years of the chart, while the mountainous areas were found to be the least well-known for the most part. In general, there was an overall increase in the number of travelers visiting all three areas over the given period. While the coastal areas were popular among visitors, the mountainous regions were comparatively less preferred by the tourists throughout the timeline. Overall, there was a gradual increase in the number of visitors to all three areas. Notwithstanding that both the coast and mountain have experienced an uptrend, the coastal places always magnetize more visitors than the mountainous ones. In 1987, the number of those who opted for the coast as a travel destination stood at 40,000, compared to 20,000 travelers who went to the mountains. In the next 14 years, the coast witnessed a slight decrease in tourist flux by a few thousand, which was followed by a significant increase to around 60,000 people. In contrast, the number of those visiting mountainous areas went up remarkably to 30,000 in 2001. In the final 6 years, while the number of overseas tourists going to the coast rose moderately to above 70,000, there was a slight climb in those who visited the mountains to about 35,000. Despite the fact that both the coastal and mountainous areas witnessed an upward trend, the coastal regions remained more attractive to the tourists than the mountainous ones. In 1987, the coast was chosen by 40,000 tourists as a travel destination, while only 20,000 visitors preferred the mountains. Over the next 14 years, there was a marginal decline in the number of visitors to the coast by a few thousand, but it was subsequently followed by a considerable surge to approximately 60,000 visitors. Conversely, the number of tourists visiting mountainous areas experienced a significant rise and reached 30,000 in 2001. In the last six years of the period, although the number of foreign visitors to the coast rose modestly, exceeding 70,000, the mountainous areas also experienced a slight increase in visitors, reaching approximately 35,000. Despite an upward trend in both coastal and mountainous areas, the former consistently attracted more visitors throughout the entire period. In 1987, the coast was chosen by 40,000 tourists, while only 20,000 visitors preferred the mountains. Over the next 14 years, there was a slight decline in the number of visitors to the coast, followed by a considerable surge to approximately 60,000 visitors. Conversely, the number of tourists visiting mountainous areas experienced a significant rise and reached 30,000 in 2001. In the last six years of the period, the number of foreign visitors to the coast rose to exceed 70,000, while the mountainous areas also experienced a slight increase in visitors, reaching approximately 35,000. Growing steadily though and though the period, nevertheless, lake sceneries develop were not as powerfully developed as the others. The number of foreign tourists visiting the lakes of this country persistently increased over the first fifteen years of the period, reaching a peak of 75,000 visitors in 2002. However, this number began to drop significantly in the remaining years, with approximately 50,000 visitors in 2007. (265 words) Although the number of foreign tourists visiting the lake regions increased steadily throughout the given period, these areas were not as popular as the coastal and mountainous regions. The number of international visitors to the lake regions steadily increased over the initial 15 years of the given period, peaking at 75,000 in 2002. Nevertheless, in the subsequent years, the number of visitors significantly declined, reaching around 50,000 in 2007. (268 words) Although the number of foreign tourists visiting the lake regions increased gradually throughout the given period, these areas were not as popular as the coastal and mountainous regions. The number of international visitors to the lake regions peaked at 75,000 in 2002, but then significantly declined to around 50,000 in 2007. (201 words) Reminder: Một số lỗi dùng từ chưa hợp lý lặp lại ở cả hai bản: "flux" => tourist influx, persistently => "consistently" hoặc "steadily" Đối với biểu đồ có mốc thời gian, nên để trạng từ chỉ thời gian ở trước không nên để cuối câu, như vậy giúp câu mạch lạc hơn.

Thẻ: OverseasVisitors

Giải đề IELTS WRITING TASK 1: Overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country

Link nhanh

Tài nguyên

Follow me