Đề bài IELTS Writing Task 1: The graph below gives the results of a survey showing what 1,000 young people did after leaving school between 2008 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Bước 1: Phân tích chung đề bài IELTS Writing Task 1 Đề bài What: đề bài nói về cái gì what 1,000 young people did after leaving school 1000 người trẻ làm gì sau khi rời trường Where: ở đâu N/A Không có thông tin When: khi nào between 2008 and 2012 Từ 2008 đến 2012 Biểu đồ Tiêu đề của biểu đồ School leavers 2008-2012 Số học sinh rời trường, 2008-2012 Trục tung (dữ liệu, đơn vị là gì) Number of students Số học sinh tính trên 1000 hs được hỏi Trục hoành (dữ liệu, đơn vị là gì) years Năm Phần chú giải Went to university Looked for work Took a temporary break from education Học đại học Tìm việc Tạm dừng việc học Đơn vị biểu đồ Number/1000 Số học sinh tính trên 1000 hs được hỏi Bước 2: Chọn ý chính – lập dàn ý, chia đoạn cho bài IELTS Writing Task 1 (Tham khảo các tóm tắt ý, chia đoạn tại đây) General ideas: tìm ý chính (đặc điểm nổi bật, xu hướng trong TOÀN BỘ thời gian biểu đồ ) overall increase in taking a temporary break from education overall decrease in looking for work going to university: stayed the same => three trends visible Paragraphing: Chia đoạn (ý chính được làm rõ bằng các ý cụ thể và số liệu) Body paragraph 1: looking for work General idea: As it can be seen from the chart, the most significant decrease throughout the given period was the number of school-leavers who became job seekers, however, its figure was higher than others in three out of five given years. Specific ideas + Details: Starting out as the most chosen reason for leaving school with half of the students wanted to left their education to find job. Over the next two year, a visible drop was experienced, decreasing to a little over 300. The figure stayed the same for one year, and followed by a recovery to nearly 400. Body paragraph 2: take a temporary break from education General idea: The number of students who chose to take a break from their study showed a steady increase overall, however, it was the least popular reason for leaving schools. Specific ideas + Details: It is noticeable that more people opted for leavingschools year by year, in 2008, 200 students chose this option, by 2012, more than 300 students paused their academic curricula. A more significant increase of around 100 and 80 was witnessed from 2008 to 2010, However,the growth level became less significant from 2010 to 2012, at around 20. Body paragraph 3: went to university General idea: The number of students pursuing higher education stayed the same throughout the period, yet some fluctuations could be easily seen. Specific ideas + Details: It ranked second place at 300and 350 in 2008 and 2009 respectively, surpassed by job-seeking reasons. In 2010 and 2011, it became the most chosen reason for leaving school at around 400 despite a small decline in 2011. However, in 2012, a marked decrease to 300 made this reason came at last. Bước 3: Viết bài hoàn chỉnh. Introduction: A survey of 1,000 young people who finished school between 2008 and 2012 is depicted in the chart below, revealing their post-school activities. The diagram below represents the outcomes of a survey conducted among 1,000 youths who left school between 2008 and 2012, detailing their actions afterwards. The chart provided below illustrates the findings of a survey conducted on 1,000 individuals who completed their schooling between 2008 and 2012, documenting their post-school endeavors. What 1,000 young individuals did after they finished their studies between 2008 and 2012 is demonstrated in the chart below, which presents the results of a survey. The outcomes of a survey examining the post-school activities of 1,000 young people who finished school between 2008 and 2012 are shown in the graph below. Lưu ý về paraphrasing: A survey of 1,000 young people~ a survey conducted among 1,000 youths ~ a survey conducted on 1,000 individuals ~ 1,000 young individuals ~ a survey examining the post-school activities of 1,000 young people young people did after leaving school ~ finished school~ left school ~ documenting their post-school endeavors ~ examining the post-school activities of ~ revealing their post-school activities ~ their actions afterwards. presents the results of a survey~ The outcomes of a survey ~ illustrates the findings of a survey ~ represents the outcomes of a survey Introduction + Body paragraphs + Overview/Conclusion A survey of 1,000 young people who finished school between 2008 and 2012 is depicted in the chart below, revealing their post-school activities. As it can be seen from the chart, the most significant decrease throughout the given period was the number of school-leavers who became job seekers, however, its figure was higher than others in three out of five given years. Starting out as the most chosen reason for leaving school with half of the students wanted to left their education to find job. Over the next two year, a visible drop was experienced, decreasing to a little over 300, the figure stayed the same for one year, and followed by a recovery to nearly 400. On the contrary, the number of students who chose to take a break from their study showed a throughout steady increase, Overall, it was the least popular reason for leaving schools. It is noticeable that more people opted for leaving schools year by year, in 2008, 200 students chose this option, by 2012, more than 300 students paused their academic curricula. A more significant increase of around 100 and 80 was witnessed from 2008 to 2010, however, the growth level became less significant from 2010 to 2012, at around 20. As for the number of students pursuing higher education, it stayed the same throughout the period, yet some fluctuations could be easily seen. It ranked second place at 300 and 350 in 2008 and 2009 respectively, surpassed by job-seeking reasons. In 2010 and 2011, it became the most chosen reason for leaving school at around 400 despite a small decline in 2011. However, in 2012, a marked decrease to 300 made this reason came at last. In summarize, there were three visible trends in the chart and job-seeking was the most popular post-school activity for the whole period. Bước 4: Kiểm tra lại. Đánh giá, nhận xét và cải thiện bài viết. Xem nhận xét cụ thể tại đây: General assessment: Task Achievement: The writer has provided a clear summary of the information presented in the graph and has made comparisons where relevant. The main features of the data have been identified. Band score: 7. Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The writer has used linking words and phrases to connect ideas and has provided a range of sentence structures. Band score: 7. Lexical Resource: The writer has used a range of vocabulary and has attempted to use some advanced expressions, such as "throughout steady increase" and "fluctuations could be easily seen." However, there are also some errors and awkward phrasing. Band score: 6. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The writer has demonstrated a good command of grammar, with only a few errors, such as "half of the students wanted to left their education." However, there are some sentences that are awkwardly worded. Band score: 7. Overall band score: 6.5 (rounded up to 7).Overall band score: 7.5 Original version Improved version A survey of 1,000 young people who finished school between 2008 and 2012 is depicted in the chart below, revealing their post-school activities. The chart below illustrates the results of a survey conducted among 1,000 youths who graduated from school between 2008 and 2012, revealing their subsequent pursuits. As it can be seen from the chart, the most significant decrease throughout the given period was the number of school-leavers who became job seekers, however, its figure was higher than others in three out of five given years. As can be discerned from the chart, the most notable decline over the specified period was observed in the number of school graduates who pursued employment, although it remained the most preferred option for three out of five years. Starting out as the most chosen reason for leaving school with half of the students wanted to left their education to find job. Over the next two year, a visible drop was experienced, decreasing to a little over 300, the figure stayed the same for one year, and followed by a recovery to nearly 400. Initially, seeking employment was the predominant reason for leaving school with approximately half of the students preferring it to other options. Subsequently, there was a conspicuous decrease over two years, dropping to just over 300, remaining constant for a year, and then experiencing a resurgence to nearly 400. On the contrary, the number of students who chose to take a break from their study showed a throughout steady increase, Overall, it was the least popular reason for leaving schools. It is noticeable that more people opted for leaving schools year by year, in 2008, 200 students chose this option, by 2012, more than 300 students paused their academic curricula. A more significant increase of around 100 and 80 was witnessed from 2008 to 2010, however, the growth level became less significant from 2010 to 2012, at around 20. In contrast, the proportion of students who opted to take a break from their studies exhibited a consistent upward trend. This reason was, in fact, the least favored for leaving school. It is noteworthy that the number of students choosing this option increased gradually each year, with 200 students selecting it in 2008 and over 300 students in 2012. The increase was more pronounced from 2008 to 2010, with around 100 and 80 more students choosing this option respectively, while the rate of growth tapered off from 2010 to 2012, reaching around 20. As for the number of students pursuing higher education, it stayed the same throughout the period, yet some fluctuations could be easily seen. It ranked second place at 300 and 350 in 2008 and 2009 respectively, surpassed by job-seeking reasons. In 2010 and 2011, it became the most chosen reason for leaving school at around 400 despite a small decline in 2011. However, in 2012, a marked decrease to 300 made this reason came at last. With regards to the number of students pursuing higher education, it remained constant during the given period, albeit with some noticeable fluctuations. It was the second most popular reason for leaving school in 2008 and 2009, with figures of 300 and 350 respectively, surpassed by the number of students seeking employment. In 2010 and 2011, it was the most selected reason, with around 400 students choosing this option, despite a slight decline in 2011. However, in 2012, there was a significant drop to 300, making it the least preferred option. In summarize, there were three visible trends in the chart and job-seeking was the most popular post-school activity for the whole period. In summary, the chart depicts three discernible trends, with job-seeking emerging as the most sought-after post-school activity throughout the entire period. A final refined version: The given chart displays the outcomes of a survey conducted among 1,000 youths who graduated from school between 2008 and 2012. It shows the trends in their post-school activities. Overall, job-seeking was the most preferred activity by school leavers, though it saw a significant decrease over time. Initially, it was the primary reason for leaving school with about half of the students selecting it. However, over two years, there was a substantial decline, followed by a slight recovery. On the other hand, the number of students opting for a break from their studies showed a steady increase, and by 2012, more than 300 students chose this option. Meanwhile, pursuing higher education remained constant over the period, with noticeable fluctuations. In 2008 and 2009, higher education was the second most popular reason for leaving school, surpassed by job-seeking. However, in 2010 and 2011, it became the most preferred option, but by 2012, it decreased significantly to become the least favored choice. In summary, the chart highlights three noticeable trends, and job-seeking was the most favored post-school activity, though its popularity reduced over time. (182 words) A final refined version: The given chart portrays the post-school activities of 1,000 young people who completed their studies between 2008 and 2012. Initially, approximately half of the students preferred seeking employment over other options, but there was a significant decline in this trend over two years, after which it stabilized for a year, and then showed a slight increase. In contrast, the number of students taking a break from studies increased gradually each year and was the least favored reason for leaving school. From 2008 to 2010, the rate of growth was pronounced, but it slowed down from 2010 to 2012. The number of students pursuing higher education remained constant, but there were fluctuations in the trend. It was the second most popular reason for leaving school in 2008 and 2009, but it was surpassed by seeking employment. In 2010 and 2011, it was the most favored reason with some decline in 2011. In 2012, there was a significant drop in the number of students pursuing higher education. In summary, the chart reveals that job-seeking was the most popular post-school activity for the entire period while taking a break from studies witnessed an upward trend, and pursuing higher education remained stable with some fluctuations. (201 words)